The best moment of the last two weeks was undoubtedly putting my key in the lock of the front door, flinging it open... and finding everything exactly as it should be.
I loved being in Victoria with our families and adored the opportunities we had to catch up with people and revisit places from our childhood. Christmas was especially amazing, as the boys are still filled with wonder at its magic. They are very good at living in the here and now and it is easy to get caught up in their excitement as they embrace each moment.
Yes, our time away was wonderful. But we were anxious to be home.
We left early this morning, hoping to be home just after lunch. It was a catastrophic fire day, over 40 degrees with howling northerly winds. Even with the air conditioner on, the car was hot. We were still two hours from home when Xavier was car sick for the first time. It was excruciating trying to clean him up by the side of the road in the heat and the wind but we managed. And we kept going, deciding not to eat on the road, but to come home immediately.
And how special it was to come home to find no disaster had befallen it, that everything was clean and tidy and in its place. My fish were all still alive and hurried to the front of the tank, where they have been staring at me ever since. I wonder how quiet and still the house was to them!
The boys wasted no time in playing the keyboard and pulling out their old games. And their new games too. We read books, played Uno Attack and made slushies with our new Christmas present. There was even time for some shopping to restock the pantry.
Home again.
Best of all, we are just in time to see out a year that has not been kind to us. I realise that the worst has not befallen us, that we are a long way from the rock bottom that so many others in our world endure, but this is easily the most difficult year we have faced.
After seven years, this is the year we finally unclenched our fists to find our dreams had fallen to dust in our grasp. There were no diamonds there, just ashes.
We have been rebuilding now for five months. The turn of the new year fills me with hope and I try to forget the other times that I have hoped and wished on the new year.
2011 will be our year.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Sooo relaxed...it's Christmas!
I love this time of year. Not only am I on holidays but the whole world feels decorated. Our Christmas tree is up, there are red bows around the trees in our street, and every public place is awash in red and gold and green. We have finished our Christmas shopping and have only to wrap presents and finish (start) writing out cards. Bliss.
It's impossible to go anywhere though without people complaining about Christmas. When we had the shop, it was a constant stream of customers all saying the same thing: 'I hate Christmas.' Did they mean it? Or was it just something to say? Was there any joy in the day, or was it the lead up to Christmas they hated? I never could figure it out. And never wanted to be in that place where a time of celebration and family could be so unpleasant.
Since we had the boys, there is renewed joy in Christmas. Their faces light up at every image of Santa and they spend hours working on their letters to Santa. They count down the days with delight, poke the presents under the tree and admire Baby Jesus. Bliss!
Today we took the boys to see Santa. This was the first year Xave would have his photo taken with him - mostly because I insisted that I'd waited long enough to see him sit next to Santa, and this was the year it was going to happen. Both boys loved it and talked happily with Santa and Mrs Claus on the magic sleigh.
Mostly, I'm just rejoicing in the fact that I'm actually relaxed for once. With all the time in the world, I'm much more patient with the boys. There's time to read, exercise and play; we can go to the park, play boardgames and read multiple bedtime stories. No wonder Christmas is a joy!
It's impossible to go anywhere though without people complaining about Christmas. When we had the shop, it was a constant stream of customers all saying the same thing: 'I hate Christmas.' Did they mean it? Or was it just something to say? Was there any joy in the day, or was it the lead up to Christmas they hated? I never could figure it out. And never wanted to be in that place where a time of celebration and family could be so unpleasant.
Since we had the boys, there is renewed joy in Christmas. Their faces light up at every image of Santa and they spend hours working on their letters to Santa. They count down the days with delight, poke the presents under the tree and admire Baby Jesus. Bliss!
Today we took the boys to see Santa. This was the first year Xave would have his photo taken with him - mostly because I insisted that I'd waited long enough to see him sit next to Santa, and this was the year it was going to happen. Both boys loved it and talked happily with Santa and Mrs Claus on the magic sleigh.
Mostly, I'm just rejoicing in the fact that I'm actually relaxed for once. With all the time in the world, I'm much more patient with the boys. There's time to read, exercise and play; we can go to the park, play boardgames and read multiple bedtime stories. No wonder Christmas is a joy!
Monday, December 13, 2010
Every three years
My holidays had a slightly delayed start, with this morning taken out to attend a Mandatory Notification course. It was my third time since arriving in South Australia nearly 8 years ago so, of course, I knew what to expect.
Except it's always harrowing.
I always think it will be fine, but it's not. I'm so glad reporting abuse is a mandatory part of our job, but I hate being reminded of the desperate situation some children are in. I hate being reminded that children die at the hands of adults. Or that children can be crushed and scarred because of the evil actions of grown ups.
At the end they showed Daniel Valerio's battered, smiling face and it broke my heart all over again. I can't believe it's been 20 years since he died. I read the newspapers back then and the horrific details of his abuse still remain vivid in my mind.
I came home to my beautiful boys with their sweet, smiling faces. At 8 and 6, nothing bad has touched them. They're well loved, respected and protected - at least as much as any parent can protect her children.
Still picturing Daniel's face, I tickled Xavier and said, "Life's hard, isn't it?"
He laughed and agreed: "It's hard catching Pokemon."
If only all our children had such hard lives.
Except it's always harrowing.
I always think it will be fine, but it's not. I'm so glad reporting abuse is a mandatory part of our job, but I hate being reminded of the desperate situation some children are in. I hate being reminded that children die at the hands of adults. Or that children can be crushed and scarred because of the evil actions of grown ups.
At the end they showed Daniel Valerio's battered, smiling face and it broke my heart all over again. I can't believe it's been 20 years since he died. I read the newspapers back then and the horrific details of his abuse still remain vivid in my mind.
I came home to my beautiful boys with their sweet, smiling faces. At 8 and 6, nothing bad has touched them. They're well loved, respected and protected - at least as much as any parent can protect her children.
Still picturing Daniel's face, I tickled Xavier and said, "Life's hard, isn't it?"
He laughed and agreed: "It's hard catching Pokemon."
If only all our children had such hard lives.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Next Blog
I am addicted to the Next Blog button.
There is probably an unwritten rule that I am breaking here - Thou shalt not idly flit through Blog Land.
But I can't help myself.
I used to play that game on trains: Who are you Strange Lady with your red dress and your pink stilettos? What keeps you awake at night? What is your deepest joy? Who do you laugh with?
Next blog... next blog...next blog...
A moment in someone else's life, a glimpse at family, hopes and dreams, passions, successes and failures... Just for a moment, a glance at a life I'm not living.
It reminds me how big and broad life is, how many choices there are, how many ideals and beliefs. And yet, it also makes me realise we're all living the same lives - as parents, spouses, siblings, sons and daughters, friends... We all want to love and be cherished, protect our children, laugh with our friends, work and play. We all have emotions and fears no matter where we live or what we do.
The world isn't quite so big when there's a Next Blog button.
There is probably an unwritten rule that I am breaking here - Thou shalt not idly flit through Blog Land.
But I can't help myself.
I used to play that game on trains: Who are you Strange Lady with your red dress and your pink stilettos? What keeps you awake at night? What is your deepest joy? Who do you laugh with?
Next blog... next blog...next blog...
A moment in someone else's life, a glimpse at family, hopes and dreams, passions, successes and failures... Just for a moment, a glance at a life I'm not living.
It reminds me how big and broad life is, how many choices there are, how many ideals and beliefs. And yet, it also makes me realise we're all living the same lives - as parents, spouses, siblings, sons and daughters, friends... We all want to love and be cherished, protect our children, laugh with our friends, work and play. We all have emotions and fears no matter where we live or what we do.
The world isn't quite so big when there's a Next Blog button.
Friday, October 1, 2010
School holidays are exhausting
The boys are loving their holidays, but amazingly, they're more tired than when they're at school. They still get up at the ridiculous time of pre-6am, but they're sound asleep on the couch half an hour before bedtime. Surely, when they're at school their brains and bodies are more active! We're not even doing anything too exciting - a trip down to the park is about as good as it gets!
Today was one of the first gorgeous days of spring so we took the boys down for a run at the castle playground. It was swarming with hordes of kids which, was only to be expected on a rare sunny day in the holidays. But the playground is huge and the boys had a glorious time playing hide and seek and managed to get themselves completely coated in wood chips - it was even in their hair! We did eventually find a quiet, shady spot for a picnic - the highlight of the day.
The boys just get better and better as they get older, but I wonder if I'll look back on these as 'golden years' when the boys played hard, were easily amused and weren't embarrassed to be seen out in public with their parents! I'm loving every minute of it, anyway.
The boys were certainly in bed early tonight. I've just realised that daylight savings starts this weekend - goodness knows what that will do to their systems!
 |
| Xavier asleep on a chair |
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| Absolutely nothing more comfortable than Daddy |
Today was one of the first gorgeous days of spring so we took the boys down for a run at the castle playground. It was swarming with hordes of kids which, was only to be expected on a rare sunny day in the holidays. But the playground is huge and the boys had a glorious time playing hide and seek and managed to get themselves completely coated in wood chips - it was even in their hair! We did eventually find a quiet, shady spot for a picnic - the highlight of the day.
The boys just get better and better as they get older, but I wonder if I'll look back on these as 'golden years' when the boys played hard, were easily amused and weren't embarrassed to be seen out in public with their parents! I'm loving every minute of it, anyway.
The boys were certainly in bed early tonight. I've just realised that daylight savings starts this weekend - goodness knows what that will do to their systems!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Letters across time
Have you ever written a letter to your future self? I tried it when I was 17, and tucked it away in my diary for ten years. When it was time to open it, I was terrified. I well remembered the tremendous spirit of hope and optimism I had written it in, confident that my future would be bright and beautiful. Pausing to tear open the envelope, I could only tremble knowing so few of my plans had come to fruition.
My next encounter with future letters was just before I turned 30, when I was on a school camp watching 200 Year 12 students lie on an auditorium floor and scribble out letters due to be mailed to back to them twelve months later. Lovely, I thought, watching them write out their hopes and dreams, the secret thoughts for their eyes only. Six months later, I listened to one of those letters being read out at Valedictory - heartfelt and hopeful words from a beautiful girl whose life had been cut so short. Her words reverberated through our souls.
Today, almost a decade later, I spoke to a student who is about to leave behind his schooling and step forward into the rest of his life. This morning, he had opened a letter that he had written a year ago. Unfortunately, he had not taken the exercise too seriously last year, and had written a random, irrelevant sentence. He came to thank me today for finishing off his letter for him. I had written beautiful things, and he was very grateful. Ironically, I had forgotten doing this and have no idea what I wrote to him! But he was touched and I was delighted that my words had had such an impact.
My own letter from the past had not been as terrifying as I had feared. I might not have achieved some of my career goals, but my seventeen year old self was surprisingly wise. She trusted my decisions and, most importantly, she had wished for happiness for me. And I was happy, delightfully happy.
With much relief, I sat down and wrote another ten-year-letter. It's now been sitting in my diary for more than 12 years. Unopened. It turns out that one future letter per lifetime is quite enough. I may still open it, one day - when I get over the fear of my past self.
The ghost of Who-I-Was is strong and formidable, far too powerful for the gentleness of Who-I-Am.
Time to leave future letters where they belong - in the hands of the young.
My next encounter with future letters was just before I turned 30, when I was on a school camp watching 200 Year 12 students lie on an auditorium floor and scribble out letters due to be mailed to back to them twelve months later. Lovely, I thought, watching them write out their hopes and dreams, the secret thoughts for their eyes only. Six months later, I listened to one of those letters being read out at Valedictory - heartfelt and hopeful words from a beautiful girl whose life had been cut so short. Her words reverberated through our souls.
Today, almost a decade later, I spoke to a student who is about to leave behind his schooling and step forward into the rest of his life. This morning, he had opened a letter that he had written a year ago. Unfortunately, he had not taken the exercise too seriously last year, and had written a random, irrelevant sentence. He came to thank me today for finishing off his letter for him. I had written beautiful things, and he was very grateful. Ironically, I had forgotten doing this and have no idea what I wrote to him! But he was touched and I was delighted that my words had had such an impact.
My own letter from the past had not been as terrifying as I had feared. I might not have achieved some of my career goals, but my seventeen year old self was surprisingly wise. She trusted my decisions and, most importantly, she had wished for happiness for me. And I was happy, delightfully happy.
With much relief, I sat down and wrote another ten-year-letter. It's now been sitting in my diary for more than 12 years. Unopened. It turns out that one future letter per lifetime is quite enough. I may still open it, one day - when I get over the fear of my past self.
The ghost of Who-I-Was is strong and formidable, far too powerful for the gentleness of Who-I-Am.
Time to leave future letters where they belong - in the hands of the young.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Laughter and tears
On one of the wettest and most miserable days in decades, I heard two amazing speakers - Robyn Moore and Anh Do. They were both very funny and very inspiring.
Robyn talked about the importance of living in the moment, about choosing our attitude and recognising how extraordinary we are.
Anh talked about life being a blessing and about his father's philosophy about time: 'There's now and there's too late.'
Both Robyn and Anh work with people in terrible circumstances. They told us stories that were sad and hopeful and so, so human. They made me cry.
They said things that felt true. They made me thankful. They made me joyful. They made me want to laugh more.
(But they didn't stop me complaining about how cold and wet I was! Must work on that...)
It's a blessing to be able to have time to hear these ideas and to think about them. It's a blessing to talk and chat and laugh with friends. And it's really, really nice to be reminded that the work we do is important and that it does make a difference in the lives of others :)
Laughter and tears... a beautiful day.
Robyn talked about the importance of living in the moment, about choosing our attitude and recognising how extraordinary we are.
Anh talked about life being a blessing and about his father's philosophy about time: 'There's now and there's too late.'
Both Robyn and Anh work with people in terrible circumstances. They told us stories that were sad and hopeful and so, so human. They made me cry.
They said things that felt true. They made me thankful. They made me joyful. They made me want to laugh more.
(But they didn't stop me complaining about how cold and wet I was! Must work on that...)
It's a blessing to be able to have time to hear these ideas and to think about them. It's a blessing to talk and chat and laugh with friends. And it's really, really nice to be reminded that the work we do is important and that it does make a difference in the lives of others :)
Laughter and tears... a beautiful day.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to vote we go ♪ ♬♬
I think I’m doing this election in reverse. From the moment they called this one, I’ve been exhausted by it, and have tried to block it out as much as possible. However, now that it’s just ‘one more sleep,’ I’m actually excited. Gillard and Abbott are so busy trying to amaze us with their personalities that it has become quite hypnotic. I’m sure they’re both promising the same things, so does it matter which one lands the top job?
Adding to the excitement is the knowledge that after 20 years of moving all over the country, I’ve finally managed to be in an electorate that’s rated ‘marginal.’ My vote might actually make a difference! In fact, this will be the first time there’s actually a possibility that our sitting member might be ousted. We’ve had Peter Costello, who retired on his own terms, while Simon Crean and Bob Katter are both still going strong… Ahh, Bob I miss you. Every pollie we’ve had since has been utterly dull in comparison…
When I was at school, I was quite horrified to learn that voting was compulsory in Australia, but now I’m glad it is. It didn’t take me long at all to work out the value of the vote, and how lucky we are to be able to peacefully choose our own government. Besides, the weather’s so miserable right now, I can imagine being too lazy to leave my heater, rug and armchair in order to hit the polling booth!
And that's the only certainty. Will it be Liberal? Will it be Labor? I don't know, but it will be arctic!
Adding to the excitement is the knowledge that after 20 years of moving all over the country, I’ve finally managed to be in an electorate that’s rated ‘marginal.’ My vote might actually make a difference! In fact, this will be the first time there’s actually a possibility that our sitting member might be ousted. We’ve had Peter Costello, who retired on his own terms, while Simon Crean and Bob Katter are both still going strong… Ahh, Bob I miss you. Every pollie we’ve had since has been utterly dull in comparison…
When I was at school, I was quite horrified to learn that voting was compulsory in Australia, but now I’m glad it is. It didn’t take me long at all to work out the value of the vote, and how lucky we are to be able to peacefully choose our own government. Besides, the weather’s so miserable right now, I can imagine being too lazy to leave my heater, rug and armchair in order to hit the polling booth!
And that's the only certainty. Will it be Liberal? Will it be Labor? I don't know, but it will be arctic!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Small acts of kindness
The book, the DVDs and the chocolates were no doubt sent my way to cheer me up in what has been a difficult time. And it worked. It’s impossible not to feel loved when someone has taken a moment to think about you and send some kindness your way.
Belinda’s jam was a lovely thought – and a lovely enhancement on the ‘apple for the teacher.’ She made it herself and brought me a pot when I said I’d never tried rhubarb jam. I have now. It was delicious!
It’s the small acts of kindness that bring joy to our lives. They brighten a tough day and fill our souls with light and sparkle. They make us smile. They make us dance on the inside. They can bring tears to our eyes.
My own ‘acts of kindness’ do happen, although this week, they are probably more about responsibility: I volunteered to help out at my sons’ school BBQ on election day; I made cupcakes with my 8 year old in his quest to learn to cook; and, I arranged to babysit a six year old so his parents can have a day out…
I’ve had weeks where the list is better! Perhaps, that should be my focus for the coming week – random acts of kindness!
And now, let me finish with a quote from my new book - thanks Libster!
Good friends are good for your health.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Behold – Beef and Mushroom Pot Pie
Coming back to one income has turned visits to the supermarket into an adventure. We’ve made a pact that our evening meals will cost less than $10 to feed the four of us. We’ve become menu planners and list makers as we set out to use every ingredient we buy. No waste for us!
Simon has taken this as a sign he can release his inner-Masterchef and is trawling through the recipe books with great enthusiasm. We haven’t had the same meal twice and it’s all been amazing. We’re actually eating a lot better than we normally do – which is probably not going to be good for the waistline. I’m definitely going to need to exercise!
Yesterday - pot pie; today - chicken schnitzel with sweet and sour cabbage; tomorrow - ???
Simon has taken this as a sign he can release his inner-Masterchef and is trawling through the recipe books with great enthusiasm. We haven’t had the same meal twice and it’s all been amazing. We’re actually eating a lot better than we normally do – which is probably not going to be good for the waistline. I’m definitely going to need to exercise!
Yesterday - pot pie; today - chicken schnitzel with sweet and sour cabbage; tomorrow - ???
Saturday, August 7, 2010
A merging nightmare
Well, I've been worried about it for years and, last night, it finally happened.
On my way home from work, I have to merge lanes in a tricky spot - at the top of a steep hill and sharp bend. Visibility is low! Normally, the merging is pretty simple as most people seem to do the right thing and watch out for traffic.
However, at least once a week, I see someone who decides they don't just want to merge into the nearest lane, but who wishes to dart across both oncoming lanes and then into a nearby right turning lane. In peak hour, this manouevre is close to impossible. So, the merging car decides to stop and wait till both lanes are clear. Yes, they stop in a merging lane at the top of a steep hill and sharp bend. Low visibility. Cars everywhere.
On my way home from work last night, I rounded the bend to find a car stopped in the merging lane. So, I stopped and hoped for the best. Not this time. The two cars behind me didn't react so quickly and we had our own mini-domino fest. Crunch!
While the three of us limped to the side of the road, swapped names and addresses, called police and tow trucks, gave accident statements, and blew into breathalysers, our stopped motorist had found that elusive gap and taken off home. He/she was most probably clueless to the damage caused by his/her decision.
The three of us are now going to spend the next few weeks filling out insurance forms, arranging for repairs and organising alternative transport.
But no such inconveniences for our (non) merging friend. No doubt, this motorist will continue to stop in that merging lane when traffic is heavy. Why change a bad habit just for the safety of others? Their life hasn't been disrupted.
But ours has. Imagine if that driver had merged correctly and had been prepared to drive a few hundred yards up the road to the next right turn lane. It would have taken a few extra minutes and everyone would have made it home safe and sound.
I'm trying not to sound cranky. I know how lucky the three of us were to be standing by the roadside uninjured. Ironically, my car doesn't even look as though it's been in an accident - you have to lie on the ground and look underneath to see how bent it is! I'm very grateful that this was essentially a minor accident.
But really, couldn't people take a little more care on the roads? Couldn't they think a little more about the safety of others? Sometimes we forget about the duty of care we owe to others - and to our own loved ones. Next time, the end result might not be quite so positive.
On my way home from work, I have to merge lanes in a tricky spot - at the top of a steep hill and sharp bend. Visibility is low! Normally, the merging is pretty simple as most people seem to do the right thing and watch out for traffic.
However, at least once a week, I see someone who decides they don't just want to merge into the nearest lane, but who wishes to dart across both oncoming lanes and then into a nearby right turning lane. In peak hour, this manouevre is close to impossible. So, the merging car decides to stop and wait till both lanes are clear. Yes, they stop in a merging lane at the top of a steep hill and sharp bend. Low visibility. Cars everywhere.
On my way home from work last night, I rounded the bend to find a car stopped in the merging lane. So, I stopped and hoped for the best. Not this time. The two cars behind me didn't react so quickly and we had our own mini-domino fest. Crunch!
While the three of us limped to the side of the road, swapped names and addresses, called police and tow trucks, gave accident statements, and blew into breathalysers, our stopped motorist had found that elusive gap and taken off home. He/she was most probably clueless to the damage caused by his/her decision.
The three of us are now going to spend the next few weeks filling out insurance forms, arranging for repairs and organising alternative transport.
But no such inconveniences for our (non) merging friend. No doubt, this motorist will continue to stop in that merging lane when traffic is heavy. Why change a bad habit just for the safety of others? Their life hasn't been disrupted.
But ours has. Imagine if that driver had merged correctly and had been prepared to drive a few hundred yards up the road to the next right turn lane. It would have taken a few extra minutes and everyone would have made it home safe and sound.
I'm trying not to sound cranky. I know how lucky the three of us were to be standing by the roadside uninjured. Ironically, my car doesn't even look as though it's been in an accident - you have to lie on the ground and look underneath to see how bent it is! I'm very grateful that this was essentially a minor accident.
But really, couldn't people take a little more care on the roads? Couldn't they think a little more about the safety of others? Sometimes we forget about the duty of care we owe to others - and to our own loved ones. Next time, the end result might not be quite so positive.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
A lazy Sunday
Grey skies, icy wind and steady rain make this the perfect indoor day. I have the heater on, and with the children off shopping with their grandparents, it seems the ideal time to start a blog.
I'm not entirely sure what sort of entries I will write yet. I think I either need to develop some very strong views about the world, OR I need to embark on an adventurous, exciting life with loads of fascinating photo opportunities.
I'll wait and see...
In the meantime, I can report that I recently tried out ice skating for the first time in 18 years (and discovered I could still do it! But alas, no photos), I'm currently reading some Emily Rodda books (dragons work at any age) and, right now, I'm procrastinating because I really should be marking Year 12 essays.
And finally, this is a time of change in my life as my husband and I move away from the business we've owned for the last 7 years and into the next life cycle. This is both scary and exhilerating!
I'm not entirely sure what sort of entries I will write yet. I think I either need to develop some very strong views about the world, OR I need to embark on an adventurous, exciting life with loads of fascinating photo opportunities.
I'll wait and see...
In the meantime, I can report that I recently tried out ice skating for the first time in 18 years (and discovered I could still do it! But alas, no photos), I'm currently reading some Emily Rodda books (dragons work at any age) and, right now, I'm procrastinating because I really should be marking Year 12 essays.
And finally, this is a time of change in my life as my husband and I move away from the business we've owned for the last 7 years and into the next life cycle. This is both scary and exhilerating!
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